Top 10 Worst Ways To Celebrate A Birthday
1. Pick A Terrible Theme
Like a box office flop or funerals, or Paris Hilton.
2. Invite People Who Are Lactose Intolerant
They’ll never be able to eat anything you’ve provided. And you aren’t going to offer them any other options. Maybe water.
3. Stop Avoiding That One Friend
Usually, you do everything you can to avoid the creepy neighbor, the belligerent drunk, or that really annoying person you’re only friends with through association. But today, you are feeling uncharacteristically outgoing. They’ll be sure to rotate around the party slowly, one-by-one, ticking everybody off.
4. Pick A Terrible Day
Make your party on Wednesday afternoon or during Christmas. Or, choose an outdoor party during a thunderstorm and refuse to let anybody inside your house. These will insure nobody is coming at all.
5. Enforce the Wish List
Put three things on your birthday list and make them all expensive. They’ll hate you.
6. Offer No Activities
People are expecting a pinata, music, or alcohol. You’re pretty sure you don’t have any of that. It’s just a room. With people in it. And a cake…. and a whole lot of small talk.
7. Dress Strangely
Answer the door in your Halloween costume or underwear. Or, wear an incorrectly spelled name tag, so people worry they have it wrong on you card. You want everyone to feel confused and uncomfortable.
8. Don’t Read the Cards
Blatantly skip over words in the birthday cards. Take it, toss it, go for the goods. You know what you want.
9. Don’t Show Up
Whose party is this anyway? Just come back later to collect the gifts.
10. Hire a Clown
Those things give everyone the creeps!