Let me start by saying this bridal debauchery goes against every fiber of my moral being. Honestly, who wants to see their friends grinding on half naked strangers?
Not this girl.
But I was forced into going. So, I’ll tell you about it.
Before the show, I bought a sandwich. While I ate my sandwich, a pair of muscular arms slid down my shoulders. Then, my chair got pulled out from the table. A sexy man in briefs wanted to join me.
I waved my arms in refusal and happily redirected him to the bachelorette. And then you know what? I finished my sandwich.
There was still 30 minutes left to suffer.
After sitting through its entirety, I can honestly say it was some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen.
For example, two men pretended to be construction workers. They stood on stage with belt sanders at their waists. You know what they were sanding? Nothing! Just the metal on top of their saw horses! And that only went on for a minute before they disrobed center stage. What a completely unrealistic representation of a construction zone!
Even worse were the firefighters. First, the curtain lifted. Then, two giant flames engulfed the stage. The firefighters entered and hopped right into the audience. They didn’t even try to douse the flames! Had it been a real fire, we all would have perished.
In fact, that’s basically how every part of the show went. It was devoid of effort. They didn’t choreograph anything. They didn’t even talk. They literally came on stage in a costume and immediately took it off. Then, they walked around in their underwear for 15 minutes.
What a lack of creativity!
But it didn’t stop hordes of women from going nuts, tucking ones into their cleavage like there’s no tomorrow. You paid twenty dollars for a private lap dance?
I can only imagine what the women are like at a Chippendales show in Vegas.
I think I’d need about 50 sandwiches to make it through one of those.