Overheard at the Office

The following is a list of quotes from people I have worked with personally.
Most of them are appalling. This is my way of coping.

“Grandma is a new breed of cat.”

“Like, her saddle bags were in my lap.”

“I shave one of my legs so I can feel smooth skin and pretend its a woman.”

“You wear enough hoodies to be considered a lesbian.”

“Well, they have to put women somewhere in the films.”
“Hey, there’s kitchens in almost every movie.”

“You’re a woman. You’re always cold.”
“That’s not true. I’m warm when it’s 90 degrees out.”
“Yeah, maybe you’d be warm if you didn’t lose blood every month.”

“That movie was made just to show her boobs.”
“That’s how every movie should be.”

“Are we friends?”
“Yes…?”
“Then, can I tell you there’s a booger in your left nostril?”

“But what about love?”
“Maybe in your 20’s that’s important. But in your 40’s, trust me. You’ll want the money,”

“Oh you’d love it if you saw a dead body float up. You’d love to report that and be in the news and shit.”

“Didn’t you have a boyfriend that smelled bad?”

“Isn’t the placenta like jelly?”
“It was like a round steak.”

“I had hemorrhoids and still do.”

“If somebody puked on me, I’d kill myself.”
“I’d jump out the window.”
“Or if a bird pooped on me. I’d kill myself then too. Possibly.”

“My birth almost killed my mom. She nearly had a stroke.”
“That’s not funny.”
“She was in so much pain she threw a lamp at my dad.”

“I’m sure if you bludgeoned your boyfriend to death, you wouldn’t be calm.”

[There are about 10 more raunchy quotes that are too distasteful and upsetting to post.]

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2 responses to “Overheard at the Office

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