There’s Help for Staring

It can happen anywhere.

On the bus. On the street. In your home.
It’s called staring, and it affects nine in every ten adults.

You may suffer from this common affliction if you find yourself in any of the following situations.

1. The Blank Stare
Often times, you’ll be pondering life, reminiscing your childhood or envisioning a majestic unicorn sprinting through the clouds. Ideally, this reflection transpires while looking out a window. But sometimes you will be staring blankly at the person across from you. They, of course, have no idea your focus lies elsewhere. They just want the unusually strange look, and potential drooling, to go away. Eventually, it will. You’ll snap back into unicorn-less reality and realize how uncomfortable you’ve made that elderly woman, now tightly clutching her purse.

2. The Observant Stare
Who doesn’t like to people watch, right? I know you do! “Is she wearing a thong?” “Is that a tattoo?” “He totally looks like the type of guy who cheats.” It’s all well and good until they turn their head during your visual analysis. Now, they know you’re looking. Even worse, humankind’s instinctive reaction is to look right back! Congratulations, you’ve ended the observant stare and entered…

3. The Telepathic Stare
Two strangers locked in a frozen connection attempting to make wordless assessments. “What is he thinking?” “Is she offended?” “Did they notice I was gawking?” You’re too scared to ask, so you just stare at each other for way longer than necessary. When no actual exchange occurs, somebody breaks eye contact and life resumes. Unless, of course, somebody reacts…

4. The Deliberate Stare
The emotionless telepathic stare suddenly changes form. The eyebrows furrow. The pupils dilate. The facial expression increases intensity. Somebody is upset and will use death ray vision to convey the message. The intent is easily read, and results in either a stand-off or a back-down. It’s an intimidating precursor to street fights, so watch out!

5. The Concentrated Stare
If you’ve ever had to focus on anything ever, you probably use this. It’s the concentrated stare. It requires total, active attention. You’re never going to catch that football, solve that math problem, thread that needle or understand modern art without its power. Wait. Who am I kidding? Nobody understands modern art.

6. The Longing Stare
Have you ever waved goodbye to a loved one? Have you ever watched the breathtaking beauty of a humpback whale migration? Have you ever climbed a mountain and yearned to fly like a newborn eagle? Anything along those lines will prove to be the longing stare. It’s happens when, you know, you long for things.

7. The Wanting Stare
Two lovers embrace. Their eyes lock in a moment so passionate, and yet so vulnerable, it could only be described as true love. It’s the wanting stare, and it beckons the unity of soul mates. Or, it’s the feral drive of sex-hungry strangers, but one should hope for greater aspirations.

If you show symptoms of any of these seven stares, there’s help. It’s called the double eye patch. You’ll never have to see anything again!

Call us now to get in touch with one of our specialists:

This isn’t just you’re staring at stake, it’s your future.

*Staring is actually not a problem.


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