The Pursuit of Love

In the immortal words of Pat Benatar, “love is a battlefield.”

Yours truly is a tenacious soldier. I’ve been shot through the heart and kicked on the front lines. But, through lengthy convalescence and rudimentary physical therapy on wooden crutches, I have survived! Now, I just need to win the war.

The problem is, sometimes I think I have high standards. The solution is, other times, I remind myself that I have normal standards and turning down creeps is okay. It’s just the years of singlehood that convince me I’m the problem.

What’s important is I’m trying, albeit unsuccessfully.

So far they’ve either been married, dating, uninterested, never called, live a thousand miles away, are emotionally unstable or have a crazy ex-girlfriend that somehow finds my contact information and wants to talk about her territory.

“I’m not done with him, yet,” she said.
“You can have him,” I replied.

That’s a story in which I was moderately terrified, but happy to dodge a bullet.

Angry Ex-girlfriend wasn’t even the first red flag. After two dates, he wrote a four page letter about how wonderful our time together was. The letter also detailed Crazy Ex-girlfriend’s minor crimes and multiple infidelities with a drug dealer. He stuffed it all into a thank you card. Then, he surprised me with it, after showing up to my class unannounced.

There was also uncomfortable lingering at my workplace and a general lack of breathing room. Oh, and he also liked to send paragraph-long text messages. That was kind of annoying.

He was harmless, though. I almost miss him.

Is having a creepy admirer better than nothing?
Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical.

My key message is that all good soldiers have the strength and willpower to stick out the fight. Even when things look grim, they don’t lose hope.

Then again, I’m just mixing the first two seasons of Downton Abbey and Homeland into a glorified analogy, disregarding the fact that they do lose hope sometimes.

But I think that means I’m creative and people should date me.

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